Hello there. For the sake of keeping myself anonymous for now, I have chosen to go by the name of "Mary" in this blog. So hi, my name is Mary. I am currently 24 years old, and I am LDS (Latter-Day Saint/Mormon). I have suffered with depression for as long as I can remember, ever since I was a little kid; though I wasn't "diagnosed" with anything until later in elementary/middle school (which was when my parents finally took me to see someone about it. I suspect had I gone earlier, I would have been diagnosed earlier.) I also have anxiety, a mild to moderate obsessive compulsive disorder, and a number of other things. Sometime around the age of 13 or 14 I began cutting myself as a way to handle life, depression, and everything else going on. While I have gone through periods of "sobriety" (the longest being 2 years, usually it only lasts a few months, if that) I continue to struggle with hurting myself. As the years went on, I turned to more and more ways than just cutting in order to hurt myself. I have tried to end my life twice; once in high school and once just a couple of years ago, and continue to struggle with wanting to completely give up.
Besides these struggles, I am an active Mormon girl. I work part time and I take classes online. I spend my time at church activities, doing school work, and spending time with my amazing best friend "George" (name has been changed).
Why have I decided to write this blog? --- Well, in general, I hope to be able to reach out to others who may be struggling with similar things. I know how lonely it can feel sometimes, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone; if there's a way that I can try to reach out to those people, I want to try. I also hope to maybe be able to help others understand. Depression can be hard, if not impossible to truly understand if you haven't dealt with it yourself, or with someone close to you; I hope to be able to help bring understanding to those who may not understand. In regards to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, depression is being talked about a little bit more, but it still seems to go very much understand (and is the reason I left the church at one point, but that's for a different post), and things like self-harm and suicide don't seem to ever be talked about, it really makes you feel alone in the church, and ashamed that you struggle with such things when it seems like no one else does. Well guess what, there are those who do, myself included. You are not alone.
I plan to write about my story, different events and things that have happened, about my daily journey and the things I struggle with, but also the progress I make, the things I learn, and my journey or recovery through my struggle of self-harm. As I get this blog up and running, I will be posting a page of resources that I have come across, both informational sites and also support sites with forums, chats, and hotlines to reach out to others. Please, by all means, feel free to comment, ask questions, or email me. If you need someone to reach out too or talk too, I want to be that person, please don't hesitate.
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