Tuesday I hit my 5 month mark...
...yesterday I went back to day zero :-/
I'm still processing things and struggling to face that I slipped up. I texted my best friend and let him know to hold myself accountable, but he's been really busy so I didn't hear from him at all yesterday, which kind of sucks...I really wanted to be able to talk with him a bit. I also told my other friend who knows. She's very caring and supportive and everything, but I know it's a difficult thing for her to understand, so it's not quite the same with talking to her, but I appreciate the love, support and friendship she shows me regardless and I'm grateful I was able to message her and that she was there for me to respond with said love and support.
Time to start over I guess. The first few days to a week are always the most difficult after a slip up. I struggle to get back on my feet and continue to have frequent slip ups for several days until I manage to get myself back on track and start to make some progress again.
You may be back at day zero, but I firmly believe you're not starting from zero (if that makes sense). If you catalog your acting out at its absolute worst, THAT was zero. Five months was no accident--it's something to be proud of. I pray that you're able to make the insights, changes, and commitments that can propel you forward and strengthen your recovery even more than if you had never acted out.
ReplyDeleteR
It does make sense. Thank you Robert
DeleteSatan loves to use slip ups to grind us into the dust. (well, he uses practically anything). Just turn to your Savior. Like Robert said, this is not Zero, this is simply a step back, but the Lord is there encouraging you to keep moving forward!
ReplyDeleteThanks Stacey! I know I'm not back completely at zero, and I know those 5 months represent a lot and I'm really grateful for those things. (I guess it probably would have made more sense if I specified that my sobriety is back at day zero (versus meaning both my sobriety and my recovery. My recovery is definitely not at day zero). Thanks for your comments and support
DeleteWhy did you slip? What were you doing or not doing that helped cause it to happen?
ReplyDelete